31 Love and Loss Relationship Lessons Learned | by an INTJ

lessons learned from love

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My INTJ perspective of relationship lessons learned, what I believe. I’ve had my share of heartbreak, but that is the price we pay to love. And I’ll continue to pay because there is nothing greater on earth than love. It can feel like we have been torn apart when it ends, but completely empowers us when we are in its presence.

I believe this is apart of our job on earth, is to learn how to love. Like, with most things in life we learn the most from failures. Failing at love has taught me more about myself than years in a loving relationship.

We are all imperfect in love. Striving to give love unconditionally and freely is the goal, but it is incredibly hard to do.  It’s easy for us to develop the mindset, I will love you if you (fill in the blank) or you should do this (fill in the blank) and I will love you more. We are probably all guilty of this.

The more immature we are, the more we want to hate someone for hurting us. I believe this is a part of the lesson, to learn to love and accept people as they are even when we are not loved respectfully back.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying to not have standards or to stay in crappy relationships. It is possible to part ways with love in your heart and wish that person the best. It may take a lot of damn work, because they may have not behaved in a way that is deserving of this, but it’s not about them it’s about you.

You deserve better than having a dark cloud of anger plaguing your heart. Who do you want to be? And, who knows your badass classiness may just rub off on them. Though you are done, perhaps they will become more gracious in life because of the example you set.

Getting to know yourself isn’t always pretty, but its necessary. I believe in growth, to grow in our ability to love, to grow and be more courageous, to grow in gratitude….

I don’t know if anything makes us grow more than pain and failure. To grow, we must take an honest look at ourselves, and sometimes it takes falling apart for us to do that.

When a relationship ends we so badly want to find all the faults in the other person. And you will find them, they are there, just like they are in you. Their faults may help you discover what you value in your next relationship, but don’t spend too much time fault finding.

It’s over, objectively focus on you now and try to leave guilt at the door. What did you learn? Where could have you done better? What are you great at? What do you want out of your next relationship? What are your values? As we get older I noticed my answers to these questions evolved. Take your lessons learned and build something greater than before.

Enough of my tangent…Here are my two cents on what I believe to be true in love and loss.

31 Relationship Lessons Learned in Love and Loss

My Relationship Truths – Do you agree?

  1. Learning to love is a part of life’s purpose.
  2. Love conquers all.
  3. Lead by example.
  4. You can’t make someone happy.
  5. To make a relationship work it takes two. 
  6. The ugliness of the storm doesn’t matter. It’s how you face it together.
  7. A text doesn’t = a phone call.
  8. There are few true excuses, it mostly about priorities.
  9. You will get hurt, use that pain to better yourself and truly appreciate your next chance at love.
  10. Don’t count on people changing, love them as they are or move on.
  11. Don’t promise someone a committed relationship, if you aren’t over your ex.
  12. Your ex is truly your ex when you no longer care that they have moved on.
  13. Stop (especially when you are angry) and ask yourself if this is the last time on earth you get to speak to this person, is this really what you want to say? It cuts through the bs, pride, and arrogance to reveal what’s truly in your heart.
  14. Don’t waste time. Time is precious to us all. If someone gives you their time value it.
  15. Don’t withhold love as a punishment.
  16. You are loved. Never forget.
  17. If someone gives you their heart, make sure you are up to the task of safeguarding it. They just trusted you with the most beautiful thing about them.
  18. Always remember who will stand by you.
  19. A person’s heart is their most cherished gift. Honor it.
  20. Distance doesn’t kill relationships. Silence does. (borrowed)
  21. Relationships are destroyed easier than they are built. To build takes effort, to destroy can be done by neglect and without effort.
  22. Don’t be too arrogant to admit when you are wrong. Apologize when you are wrong. If you hurt someone look up how to apologize correctly.
  23. Attention both positive and negative is still attention, make sure the person you are giving it to is worth it.
  24. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it helps. But a commitment to grow as a person brings about healing.
  25. Vengeance is choosing to live in a broken past, where hope is dead and time is wasted.
  26. Letting go and chasing your dreams is the best revenge.
  27. Life is a gift. It is short, hard, beautiful, and love makes it all worth it.
  28. There’s always something to be grateful for.
  29. Build a future that excites you.
  30. Talk to God, he’s the only one that will never break a promise.
  31. When you feel so broken you can’t go on, ask God for help. You may not realize he answered, but in time when you look back you will see all that he’s done.


Relationship lessons learned may rock us to our core, but more than anything love fuels our life with beauty. Never stop loving we are all capable of more. Even when we are single there is still so much love to be found.

Not long ago, I was sitting in my car as I watched a very elderly couple both struggle to climb up 4 steps to enter a restaurant with heavy double wooden doors. I saw the man try to beat his wife to the top so that he could hold open the heavy door for her.

That was love and I’m grateful I was there to witness it. Do you agree? What would you add to the 31 lessons of love and loss?

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2 years ago

Very well said ?


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